8 Ways that Emotionally Intelligent People Deal with Toxic People

This is a great piece. As an addict in recovery I find I have a strong desire to help others in the same boat, to spread the message. I have had to learn that I cannot fix anybody else, no matter how much support I offer, if they aren’t receptive to help then I’m wasting emotional energy and I can’t afford to do that. I need to keep my energy focused on staying on my own path of recovery. This is where building my own support network has been vital, I need people around me that want to see me do well, that genuinely care and aren’t just looking after their own interests, as those in active addiction or suffering severe depression often are, subconsciously or otherwise. I suppose this is why I want to help others and provide to them the support I am so grateful for. I firmly believe the old saying, “We keep what we have by giving it away,” but I have also had to learn the importance of firm boundaries in order to keep myself safe.
I’ve done a lot of work on keeping a positive attitude, trusting that as long as I make the right choices for myself and stay aware of my thought processes, then everything else will fall into place. I can control nothing and nobody in this world other than myself and the way I react to a situation. As long as I don’t allow myself to forget this then I am secure in my recovery. This is why it is dangerous to be around someone that is wrapped up in their own negativity. Whether it is intentional or not, they will always try to pull you down to their level. They sap your energy and make you question what you’re so positive about, over a period of time you find yourself wondering what is the point of trying. This is dangerous, and not just to addicts. Emotional stability is so important and it’s something I have to work at as somebody who has always been ’emotional’, if I lose that awareness of the link between my thoughts, feelings, and ultimately my actions then I am lost.

3 thoughts on “8 Ways that Emotionally Intelligent People Deal with Toxic People”

  1. This which you said, “They sap your energy and make you question what you’re so positive about, over a period of time you find yourself wondering what is the point of trying.” sounds exactly like me. I’m not going to deny it. I tell the truth. Some would even say that I’m a realist. I would even go one step further and say that I even dislike overly positive people.
    I never intentionally try to put a damper on anyone’s spirits but I will tell them, if they ask for my opinion which I will always give from a realistic viewpoint. Is that so wrong? I’m not going to apologize for not being a sugar coater.
    I know for a fact that I am a toxic person. This is the reason why I choose to alienate myself from others…


    1. See, I just find that really sad. I think maybe your negative experiences have given you a negative outlook? But that’s completely understandable. I have myself been told I’m too blunt. I would never, if asked for my opinion, be dishonest. I also dislike those people who are bouncy and cheery with a vapid smile first thing on a morning cos it seems false. But, overall, I would say I am a positive person, but I think that is because I have recently found both hope and faith. I believe happiness is a choice that we make, to make the best of whatever hand we’re dealt, to only reflect on past mistakes in order to learn, rather than regret, to try and look for the positives in every situation. It’s not always easy, sometimes it’s bloody hard work, but it’s always worth it. It’s the reason I keep a journal and write a blog. My journal is for when I’m struggling, when I’m hysterical and emotional and feel I can’t cope. I write rather than self harm in any of a number of the destructive behaviours I’ve enjoyed over the years. Then, once I’m calm again, I work through what set me off, what irrational beliefs about the situation caused me such anguish, I reflect on it and learn my lessons and that’s where the blog usually comes in, I write it all up so it makes sense to me. I am gradually really learning who I am, figuring out who I want to be, and deciding how best to bridge the gap. I am my own project right now! I’ll dig out all my papers and write up those techniques for you over the weekend, it’s nothing major but if you make the effort to dedicate 10 minutes a day to really thinking about it, it can really change your outlook. I’ve seen so many incredible transformations in the last few months, people that go through the course, really work at it, then seem like a different person after 6 weeks, speaking out in group, making eye contact and holding their heads up high. Then there are the ones who come and make excuses, I didn’t have time, my problems are more serious than everyone else’s, I didn’t think it’d help. And they go on their way doing what they’ve always done and carry on being miserable, if they even bother finishing the course cos they’re usually the ones that drop out after the 2nd week. I’ll sort it for you soon as I can love. Keep your chin up.

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